Introduction to less stress

Do you think it is possible to care for someone without experiencing high levels of stress?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sam Cowley on March 2, 2012 at 16:15

Hi Ruth,

A really good description of how dogs can be beneficial and calming. I grew up with dogs so I certainly don't think you are dotty! What you say about your caree enjoying stroking the dog ties in with what Avril has said about her Mother and their cat.

Sam

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Permalink Reply by Jill D on March 2, 2012 at 18:31

Sam

There iis another thing to add to the things which can distract from the stressful situation we all find ourselves in. On line family history research, it has a multiple uses, firstly it is addictive and therefor distracting, with a subscription (expensive unfortunately) it can be wonderful as 'things' are happening all around just to sink into the past, dealing with a situation which requires wakefulness during the night it is a very good thing while still keeping an ear on the 'situation'.

Further reasons why it can be useful is that records are available of people that our carees might remember, a lot can be found out that bring light to why certain attitudes exist. Following a trail keeps the brain alive. A pattern of health issues might emerge which could be of use for instance several consecutive generations in the census with the word imbercile appearing in later life might indicate dementia.

New contacts can be made, no-one knows who the other person is, the carer stigma isn't there.

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Permalink Reply by Heather Lord on March 2, 2012 at 19:19

I surgested to SS that we should get a pet,to help my hubby and his altzhiemas, but was told in no uncertain way. that was not allowed. It seems to me that I have been well and truely bullied by SS.

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Permalink Reply by Jill D on March 2, 2012 at 19:56

Heather

A change in situation can upset a person with dementia, I hate to say this but, on this one occasion, they might have been right. Yesterday evening I painted the kitchen, told mum to keep out of there are there was wet paint, i shut the kitchen door. Cue a full on dementia attack which went on for half the night.

Mind you, something prickly might have been a good pet, just make sure it was occupying the chair the social worker sat on, then i suppose the RSPCA might have something to say about it....

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Permalink Reply by Divya S on March 2, 2012 at 23:30

Been reading the comments about pets and I have thought of getting a dog but I think it would be too much hard work on top of everything else

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Permalink Reply by Jill D on March 3, 2012 at 22:59

There are other potential problems with having animals around the elderly, a friend bought a small dog for her grannie, grannie fell over the dog and seriously injured herself. As far as I remember the dog escaped unscathed.

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Permalink Reply by Beverley Robertson on March 16, 2012 at 14:45

no i don't think it is possible to care with out experiencing stress when you have to fight social services for everything you need ! I am having problems right now and I am severely stressed out !!

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Permalink Reply by Anne Platton on March 16, 2012 at 21:13

Yet more stress, after fighting for 9 years to get my adult son support from SS (really for when we are no longer able to care for him or when we are no longer here) he got 12 hours a week support with budgeting, shopping, cooking cleaning, self care and some social time. He has now been told he has to pay £150 a week for this, even if he cuts it right down to a minimum 6 hours. This is because he has a house, he bought it some years ago and soon found it was too big (or I did as I had to clean it when he didnt) and do the garden which he was thrilled to have originally. He is currently renting a 1 bed house off my daughter that is walking distance to work and ideal for him. He was going to buy it but couldnt sell his house after being on the market 2.5 years so we rented it out until such time as it sells. Now it seems he will lose his support because of it even though they (SS) have known about it from the begining. He is dreadfully upset, his support workers are furious because he has come such a long way and we all know he will slip right back when they are no longer there. It isnt as if he is making loads of money out of it as it is only £100 a month more than his rent. I have no idea what to do, he has come here for the weekend in a state, and I know once again it will be me he lashes out at (verbally) I have had his house valued to sell and just have to hope it sells quickly at a greatly reduced price. Stress, thought it was easing a bit and it comes back and slaps you down again!

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Permalink Reply by Kirsty Jordan on March 17, 2012 at 12:46

Hi I'm Kirsty, I'll be looking after Carewell over the next few days.

Anne, It sounds like you're having a tough time and the last sentence of your post got me thinking. Is stress more difficult to deal with when it comes in intense waves - as you have to start dealing with it all over again - or when it's constant and builds up? Does it always manifest itself in the same way when it comes back?

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Permalink Reply by Jill D on March 17, 2012 at 20:46

Constant stress wears you down, crisis time is more difficult each time because stress is like climbing a sand dune, you grasp to find a solid handhold or footing instead finding the grains of life slipping through the fingers.. each crisis makes the surface more viscous, the constant struggle to stay in the same place rather then sinking lower is exhausting, sapping stamina both mentally and physically.

When you are aware that crisis time occurs at increasingly regular intervals, you are constantly alert waiting for it to happen, tiring to say the least. Eventually the emotions become blurred, you know what the edge looks like, it becomes beyond emotional burnout, you just coast along dealing with whatever the world throws at you. You jettison self and just motor on in autopilot mode. Might sound bad but it protects self.

It is the lack of sleep that is the killer, waiting for a crisis to happen, dealing with it and still pretending everything is alright when you know damned well everything is most certainly not alright. When you can deal with an emergency at 10.00pm, call the ambulance, off to A&E, be there all night, home by 7.00am and ready for the builders to arrive at 8.00am prentending all is well, that is when you know how well you can deal with/hide stress.

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Permalink Reply by Anne Platton on March 21, 2012 at 7:02

Hello Kirsty, I think the constant small stresses that you deal with on a daily basis wear you down and it is these that you need some relief from, whether that is respite on a regular basis or exercise or yoga or whatever each person can fit in their lives. But then you get the huge occasions with massive stress, because you are already worn down there are no reserves left to fall back on.

The level of stress is physically wearing, emotionally draining and means you quite often dont see things logically. When a major incident happens or yet another burueacratic nonsense invades your life it is difficult if not impossible to take a step back and view the situation calmly.

In my case I am a Foster Carer and I love my job but it is stressful and very time consuming. Then my son with Learning Difficulties who also gets very frustrated and takes that out on me, plus all the problems I have dealing with his life in general, mistakes by banks being the biggest problem over the last few years, I just seem to get it all sorted out for me to deal with his business and something happens I get in touch and they refuse to speak to me and we have to go through the whole process again. We have now changed banks and it has taken since last October to sort out the financial mess his previous bank got us into.

Then we support my ex husband who has Leukemia, had a stoke 2 years ago, Carotid Artery ablation, ;last year it was DVT and he was put on Warfarin, he is an alcoholic which brings its own problems, then he had a bad fall ( one of many) but this one he damaged something inside, came to our house collapsed sent for ambulance, huge blood loss which had been happening a week, rushed in hospital kept in a week sent home, no follow up no support nothing. He has no-one who he even knows in this area ( we are from Yorkshire originally and moved here 24 years ago) He came down 2 years ago to stay with our doughter for a couple of weeks and never went back. He is in what was supposed to be sheltered housing but the support has been withdrawn so there is no one on site now. My daughter returned to her partner in Northern Ireland last May so he only has us. This week he has a severe infection in his leg is in dreadful pain and has had the nurse going in daily to dress it. But it is no better, his leg is blue and extremely hot, he has had 2 lots of antibiotics cannot walk and is so down, where do I go what do I do noone seems to want to know. It is all overwhelming and I truly do not lnow which way to turn. If my son has to self fund we will have to stop his support as he cannot possible afford £150 pw out of £260 wages.

My foster children have access to an advocate when they need someone to help them I think this is a service that should be available to carers. I know how hard it has been for us and i am able to voice my opinions and fight for whichever caree needs it at the time but what about all those people who find it hard or impossible to do this, they continue to live in misery - not fair! Rant Over sorry :{ Anne

Kirsty Jordan said:

Hi I'm Kirsty, I'll be looking after Carewell over the next few days.

Anne, It sounds like you're having a tough time and the last sentence of your post got me thinking. Is stress more difficult to deal with when it comes in intense waves - as you have to start dealing with it all over again - or when it's constant and builds up? Does it always manifest itself in the same way when it comes back?

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Permalink Reply by Anne Platton on March 21, 2012 at 7:05

Oh Jill that is so right, I just replied to Kirsty and you describe it so well. tha is how I feel right now scrabbling up a sand dune never even seeing the top waiting and dreading the next crisis, cannot sleep because i am thinking or planning or practising what I am going to say to people - nightmare!

Jill D said:

Constant stress wears you down, crisis time is more difficult each time because stress is like climbing a sand dune, you grasp to find a solid handhold or footing instead finding the grains of life slipping through the fingers.. each crisis makes the surface more viscous, the constant struggle to stay in the same place rather then sinking lower is exhausting, sapping stamina both mentally and physically.

When you are aware that crisis time occurs at increasingly regular intervals, you are constantly alert waiting for it to happen, tiring to say the least. Eventually the emotions become blurred, you know what the edge looks like, it becomes beyond emotional burnout, you just coast along dealing with whatever the world throws at you. You jettison self and just motor on in autopilot mode. Might sound bad but it protects self.

It is the lack of sleep that is the killer, waiting for a crisis to happen, dealing with it and still pretending everything is alright when you know damned well everything is most certainly not alright. When you can deal with an emergency at 10.00pm, call the ambulance, off to A&E, be there all night, home by 7.00am and ready for the builders to arrive at 8.00am prentending all is well, that is when you know how well you can deal with/hide stress.